it's my life.

A year ago today a young man named Brett Goins sent me a message on facebook. His friends were trying to set us and he finally made the first move. Tomorrow will be a year since we met. Brett showed up at my house with some beer and wine, I cooked dinner and we talked for hours. From the second I met him I felt comfortable and safe. He was easy to talk to and I remember thinking that I was at ease as we spoke, I wasn't trying to come up with clever things to say or anything I was just myself, it was perfect. The next few months were exciting as we got to know each other. There were bad times, too. Brett lost his job, but we got through it. I learned a lot in those first few months. I have always been one to run, but this was different. The thought of running caused me more anxiety than the thought of staying. I knew I couldn't walk away from this man. I remember one time things were stressful and I had thought of leaving, but all I could think was that he is the kind of man I want to spend my life with. I couldn't risk walking away and know that there's a great chance that I would never find another man more perfect for me.

Well it's been a year now and I couldn't be happier. We talk about the future and went and looked at rings recently, but he refuses to let me know anything because he wants it all to be a surprise.I never understood the excitement in ring shopping and really just didn't care, but now I get it. I just smiled from ear to ear as we sat there and I thought about what this means: to spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams.

It's funny that I am the girl with the guy and happy. Sometimes I find myself still doubting the fact that it could actually happen to me. But hey why not. I deserve happiness, too.

And that my friend's is where I am at today. Happy.

fearless...

in the kitchen.

It's about darn time is all I can say. For years I have be intrigued by great cooks. I would always ask questions and want to learn how to be a great cook myself, but time and time again I got the same response, "just try things."

The perfectionist in me just hasn't been able to let go until recently. Maybe it's because I finally have control of the rest of my life so I don't care to let loose in the kitchen. Maybe I'm hungrier than I use to be or maybe I just got tired of eating the same boring crap, but either way I am loving all the new eats.

I tried fried okra for the first time last week and tonight Brett said it was perfect. Not likely, but it was good. I even used jiffy mix instead of corn meal ( I am now down to 7 boxes, I guess I get excited about the fact it's only $.42 so I buy a lot).

I also tried are Mexican tacos and I tried making the shredded chicken that the restaurants have... success! Brett even requested them this week.

My baking has also expanded! I had three almost bad bananas so today I made banana bread and last week I made mint chocolate chip cookies. A guy at work told me they were the best cookies he has ever had... thanks pinterest.

The best thing about all of this is that I truly enjoy cooking and I am learning lots. Maybe one day when my kids are away at college they will want to come home just for my cooking.

Like everything else, I am doing this with love. Not long ago I lived without any love in my life, but today thanks to a patient support system of family and friends I now can say each day I live with love.

I think that's why I enjoy cooking, too. Because I cook with love for my love and for myself, that I love again.

chasing the dream.

It's been an exciting time. I have now been at my new job for three months and I was just named top producer for the month of August. I was one of four in the entire company to receive the award. Hopefully I will keep up the hard work!

On top of enjoying my leasing consultant job, I have found that I really love writing. I have decided to join a social media group, so that I can learn more about blogging and hopefully filling more of my free time with my true passion.

Although it may seem all I do is work, Brett and I have been finding time to still hang out. It's hard to believe, but on the 27 of this month we will have been together for a year. I feel like I deserve a prize, haha. I have never been this in love or in a relationship even half this long and to beat that we won a date night because I shared our story on a local blog! Who knows what the future holds, but I feel certain he will be a part of my future and that feels good.

It's amazing that I moved here15 months ago and the think of all that has changed. I FINALLY got my life together, thank you all for your patience, love and support through the past 6, horrible years. I found the love of my life and still have the most amazing friends ever. Most importantly I found myself. I feel like when I talk and act, that it is truly me. I am no longer searching for the person I want to be. This is me.

Babe and I, going to the chapel... congrats Christian and Brandi Siler!

Piper and I. She's my girl.

My attire the first half of the month, haha.

So that's it. Nothing new going on, just busy chasing my dream. 

the whole enchilada.

I am sitting here watching "Millionaire Matchmaker" and this young man couldn't believe a women could be both career minded and domestic. This made me think... are there lots of men out there with this line of thinking? More so, are there women out there that think the same thing.

It wasn't long ago that I thought this. I thought that women who wanted to be at home with the kids lacked ambition and drive(please don't hate me for being forthcoming, trust me I don't think this anymore). I didn't understand that I could have the job of my dreams and then come home and cook dinner for the family. Crazy thought, because I do it all now. I don't have kids yet, but I spend 50+ hours a week working, keep up a house, have dinner on the table every night Brett and I are home together, craft, spend time with friends, bake and love my Molly. This is nothing compared to most people, but it's a far cry from my frame of mind a few years ago.

Maybe it's time us women take a stand for ourselves. Time to show everyone that we can be the modern day mom that has dinner ready, but also has a life of her own. Why not have it all! Most importantly we need to make sure we are in this together, helping one another and sharing our secrets. 

Really I just want to thank all the amazing women in my life... you all are my rock!

happy gal.

It's the little things in life that make me happy these days. Things like dinner at home with my man, seeing Molly on my lunch break or even just a short text convo with a far away friend. I couldn't be happier, just wish I had time to spend some time with those that I love. If I have learned anything the past few years, it's that my friends and family are amazing. I want to make sure I show you all my appreciation and that you each know how much you mean to me. Thank you for everything.

Here are a couple of pics of what has been going on in my life lately:

vote Southern Burger Co... we are trying to represent Chattanooga!

date night with Brett.

Great friends supporting Southern Burger Co. in Knoxville

grilled chicken and my FIRST attempt at fried okra!

babe fishin' on his birthday

fried rice and egg drop soup. Thanks to the Koozer'f for the inspiration and to PF's for the ability to follow through

celebrating Molly's birthday with me. I have had her two years!

If the remainder of the year is just half as great as the first part, then bring it on!!

roots

"There are two things you give a child; one is roots and the other is wings."

This has always been one of my favorite quotes.  A friend dear to my heart just wrote a blog titled, "where I come from." It made me think. I have a story like anyone else, but so much of my childhood is overshadowed with my mother's story and not mine. So much so that my roots seem very scattered, possibly non-existent.

It probably explains the loneliness I felt most of my life. It also explains why I clung to such loving and accepting people. Even more so in college I clung to friends who had the huge support systems and families that I had always dreamed of. I didn't know the way I grew up wasn't normal, I just knew it to be my life. 

I remember hearing the quote for the first time in high school, but it was something I held dear to my heart through college. It must of been the wings I identified with. Flying away, or running, pushing really any of these is something I feel like I do know a lot about. Stability isn't something I am familiar with . 

Please don't misunderstand, my parents do love me that I know is true and I am sure they did the best the knew to do, but they were preoccupied.  And I turned out okay, but it's these roots I still crave. 

I still remember just a few short months ago when my mom asked if I was a girl scout when I grew up? All I could think at that moment was don't cry, make it out of the house before I the tears start up. I wasn't surprised, but it hurts all the same.  I still tear up thinking of these things, not because I feel bad for myself

( I have no reason to, I am extremely blessed in life), but because I hope one day when  I become a parent I will be different. I hope that even though I don't have roots that I can give them to my children. I hope that I put my children before myself and teach them to love and to be loved. I want to provide them with both roots and wings. Most importantly I hope my children always know I will be their number one fan and will always be there for them.  

{ I have given my all for this one. She's my love and first 

chance I had to see if I could love in a way I had never experienced. I have and 

I hope loving my own children one day will come as natural as loving this pup}

 

unwavering love.

I never got it. I grew up in church and believed in the Bible, God, Jesus Christ... all of them. I knew their stories and knew they existed. I never doubted, I swayed away from what was right and moral, but I always knew there was someone watching over me. What I didn't know was their love. I didn't realize that love meant always being there for someone. I never experienced truly trusting in something or someone.

I had started attending church the second I moved to Chattanooga, but I had been going in Knoxville, more and more, too. My relationship was growing. In September last year I opened up a dialogue and really started listening to what He had to say and prayed more and more.

Then I met Brett. Brett loves me unlike anyone in my life has ever loved me. Don't get me wrong, my friends are truly amazing and my parents love me unconditionally now. But when Brett said 'I Love You' it was different. He shows it in his actions, the way he speaks to me and the way he is about me. This love made me start truly seeing what being a Christian was about. 

In church on Sunday, Ryan said something that made me think of John 3:16. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should never perish, but have everlasting light." Yes, like many of you, I have know this scripture forever, but Sunday it brought tears to my eyes. As it does now. I get it now. I understood what they were speaking of before, but I feel it now. I know what that love is. 

God didn't bring Brett into my life because He knew I was tired of being single, He did it so I could love. Love like I always talked about loving, but never experienced. Loving like He loved, so I could love, too. What an amazing gift. I will forever cherish this gift and will make sure it is nurtured and grows. I will always be thankful to Him for bringing Brett into my life. He knew I was ready for love and to start my journey with Him.