I have started on a new journey and decided it would be best to be completely honest with my progress and struggles. This first entry is actually the first journal entry I have written in over a year.
"It came to me that when I lost the weight before I was reading devotionals, books of the Bible and The Purpose Driven Life daily. Then I was tempted by alcohol and swayed that way until today.
I am jumping in and exploring the history of Christ, as well as the history of our relationship God. I've missed you! I need you and seek your help for direction. Sorry for not trusting in you the past five and a half years, but I lost faith in all, even partially in you and for that I am sorry.
No need to catch you up, for you know my struggles. I think of them often and am so thankful that life is behind me. It was so difficult not having you to speak with. I was fearful what might happen everyday. I had aniexty. I went from not being able to do anything without You to not being able to do anything without alcohol... sickening. Interesting enough I often felt like it wasn't truly me the past five years... what was I so terrified of??? God you are so good and always been. Why was I scared?
Well I welcome you with open arms. I've missed You God, I've craved You. You showed me a wonderful book (Craving God), just as you did with The Purpose Driven Life. I've made my choice, because I have faith in you. I love you. God, Thank you for Your patience. I know it must of been difficult to watch the train wreck of my life the past five and a half years. Well time for the clean up crew! Me and you God! Brett will join, but he has his own stuff to focus on. Thanks by the way...Brett's amazing!
Wow... a weight's been lifted. Why did I wait... so ridiculous. I do not know all, You do!"
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