Finally adjusting to being a first time home buyer, a mom of two lovely black labs, yard work, 28, living in love, staying positive without getting overwhelmed and many, many more things. It's fun though. I never had a great understanding of what adulthood would be like, but I am simply loving it.
But as I enjoy and love life, I can't help but think of the road that got me here.
Ten years ago I entered college with lots of fear, anxiety, loneliness and excitement. I did not want to trust anyone because just a mere two months ago my life had been turned upside down.
While on senior trip with two lovely ladies, my mother called to let me know that things would change when I get home. I got home seven days after graduating from high school, after spending six glorious days with the girls, to find out that I am no longer welcome to be in my home.
As part of my parents divorce, my father was to pay child support until I was 18 and to pay for my college education. I turned 18 seven days before graduating high school and while I was on senior trip my mother realized that dad was no longer going to pay monthly child support. So when I got back from Florida mom and I drove to Chattanooga and had a sit down with my father.
My mom starts the conversation and I realize immediately that my life as I know it is about to change forever. I still remember the complete disbelief of what I heard. She informed my father that is was not right that he stop paying her child support, while I would still be there that summer. She told us both that it would now be my responsibility to pay her that money and cover more than I already helped with or move out.
I was terrified. I couldn't leave my friends the summer before college, but how could I pay $800 a month and save for college, since it was decided I wouldn't work freshman year. How could I live with this woman that is doing this to me? I cried, cried some more and looked to my father. He looked at me as if he had waited my whole life to save me. He grabbed my hand and looked at my mother and said Cate can live with us. So that's what I did.
I had always dreamed of living with my dad, but my mother wouldn't let me. I was always envious of the stability that Ann, my heaven sent {step} Mom, Cheryl, my {half} sister and Dad had at their home in Chattanooga. So I knew this could be a great thing, I just didn't know how my fragile spirit would get to that great point. I can't think of a lonelier time in my life. The very day of this conversation I moved in with my dad. We both cried and talked. We didn't understand what was going on, but both decided that day that it would be for the best.
That day I lost my best friend. A wedge was driven between my mother and I that can never be removed. I didn't hear from her for weeks. I finally reached how to her via a letter and we attempted to hangout once, but got in such a huge argument that we didn't talk for months. In those months I forgave her, but those feelings of despair and fear never left me.
It is my hope that sharing this will help me once and for all release all things about that day and truly move on. To know what happened and move on into a life filled with forgiveness, trust, understanding and most importantly love.
Thank you for indulging me as I venture back into writing. It is my hope with this blog to figure out the essence of myself. I hope you will stay along for the ride as I share all the things that make me Cate. I suspect lots of crafts, great reads, recipes and lots lots more to be shared.
Yours Truly,
<3
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