strength.

This weekend while moving out one of my favorite residents I had a conversation that will probably stick with my for the rest of my life. Myself and this individual, who I will refer to simply as Smith, have talked for hours upon hours over the the past fifteen months. Smith is an intellectual, author, executive, psychologist, father, mentor and many more things. 

For myself Smith was a confidant. He would often come speak to me on Sunday afternoons and we would discuss people and strength of character of us all when going through seemingly difficult times. It was during a conversation of this type that Smith said something that I have though about endlessly. 

He stated that strength isn't always about being strong. It's not about being the one who holds it together for everyone and never lets anyone in. True strength is doing these things, but ALSO being vulnerable and experiencing life and letting it in.

Although I had thought about this statement endlessly, I had yet to apply it to my life. There was no way I was going to let go and be vulnerable, when so much rides on my strength, pathetic right? Luckily, one of my best friends called last night just when I needed her the most.

My friend and I were talking and I was trying to be supportive and remind her that everything will be okay. Be strong. She laughed and told me she doesn't like the new Cate that is always supportive and tells her everything okay. She missed the Cate that would sit, listen and talk about stuff with her. The Cate that talked about how her life, too, sucked at times. She misses speaking with the Cate that had bad days. I assured her that I do have bad days, but I felt like it was my duty, again pathetic, to just be supportive and essentially strong.

When did strength outweigh living my life? Why did it become so important to me to let everyone know I can get through anything? To let others know I am a survivor. Who have I become? 

The combination of both these conversations inspired me this morning. This two very special people reminded me that it is okay to be compassionate and live life. I don't have to go through life getting everything right {my coping mechanism for years of horrible decisions}. I can cry without judgement of others and I can admit defeat daily, as long as I get up tomorrow and try again. Most importantly, it reminded me of the heart I use to show and the friend it made me and that I did indeed live by the strength that Smith talked about, I just needed to be reminded. 

Thank the Lord for people who allow us to break down the seemingly indestructible wall of faux strength. Because it's not until this is down that we can learn to truly be strong.