happy gal.

It's the little things in life that make me happy these days. Things like dinner at home with my man, seeing Molly on my lunch break or even just a short text convo with a far away friend. I couldn't be happier, just wish I had time to spend some time with those that I love. If I have learned anything the past few years, it's that my friends and family are amazing. I want to make sure I show you all my appreciation and that you each know how much you mean to me. Thank you for everything.

Here are a couple of pics of what has been going on in my life lately:

vote Southern Burger Co... we are trying to represent Chattanooga!

date night with Brett.

Great friends supporting Southern Burger Co. in Knoxville

grilled chicken and my FIRST attempt at fried okra!

babe fishin' on his birthday

fried rice and egg drop soup. Thanks to the Koozer'f for the inspiration and to PF's for the ability to follow through

celebrating Molly's birthday with me. I have had her two years!

If the remainder of the year is just half as great as the first part, then bring it on!!

roots

"There are two things you give a child; one is roots and the other is wings."

This has always been one of my favorite quotes.  A friend dear to my heart just wrote a blog titled, "where I come from." It made me think. I have a story like anyone else, but so much of my childhood is overshadowed with my mother's story and not mine. So much so that my roots seem very scattered, possibly non-existent.

It probably explains the loneliness I felt most of my life. It also explains why I clung to such loving and accepting people. Even more so in college I clung to friends who had the huge support systems and families that I had always dreamed of. I didn't know the way I grew up wasn't normal, I just knew it to be my life. 

I remember hearing the quote for the first time in high school, but it was something I held dear to my heart through college. It must of been the wings I identified with. Flying away, or running, pushing really any of these is something I feel like I do know a lot about. Stability isn't something I am familiar with . 

Please don't misunderstand, my parents do love me that I know is true and I am sure they did the best the knew to do, but they were preoccupied.  And I turned out okay, but it's these roots I still crave. 

I still remember just a few short months ago when my mom asked if I was a girl scout when I grew up? All I could think at that moment was don't cry, make it out of the house before I the tears start up. I wasn't surprised, but it hurts all the same.  I still tear up thinking of these things, not because I feel bad for myself

( I have no reason to, I am extremely blessed in life), but because I hope one day when  I become a parent I will be different. I hope that even though I don't have roots that I can give them to my children. I hope that I put my children before myself and teach them to love and to be loved. I want to provide them with both roots and wings. Most importantly I hope my children always know I will be their number one fan and will always be there for them.  

{ I have given my all for this one. She's my love and first 

chance I had to see if I could love in a way I had never experienced. I have and 

I hope loving my own children one day will come as natural as loving this pup}

 

unwavering love.

I never got it. I grew up in church and believed in the Bible, God, Jesus Christ... all of them. I knew their stories and knew they existed. I never doubted, I swayed away from what was right and moral, but I always knew there was someone watching over me. What I didn't know was their love. I didn't realize that love meant always being there for someone. I never experienced truly trusting in something or someone.

I had started attending church the second I moved to Chattanooga, but I had been going in Knoxville, more and more, too. My relationship was growing. In September last year I opened up a dialogue and really started listening to what He had to say and prayed more and more.

Then I met Brett. Brett loves me unlike anyone in my life has ever loved me. Don't get me wrong, my friends are truly amazing and my parents love me unconditionally now. But when Brett said 'I Love You' it was different. He shows it in his actions, the way he speaks to me and the way he is about me. This love made me start truly seeing what being a Christian was about. 

In church on Sunday, Ryan said something that made me think of John 3:16. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should never perish, but have everlasting light." Yes, like many of you, I have know this scripture forever, but Sunday it brought tears to my eyes. As it does now. I get it now. I understood what they were speaking of before, but I feel it now. I know what that love is. 

God didn't bring Brett into my life because He knew I was tired of being single, He did it so I could love. Love like I always talked about loving, but never experienced. Loving like He loved, so I could love, too. What an amazing gift. I will forever cherish this gift and will make sure it is nurtured and grows. I will always be thankful to Him for bringing Brett into my life. He knew I was ready for love and to start my journey with Him.

reality check.

Brett's ex and him were married on his birthday. Last night we went to grab a drink with Amanda after dinner. When we got to the pool hall he realized his ex's best friend was there, so we sat on the other side of the bar. Time passed and then we hear someone come on the loud speaker, "Happy Birthday Brett Goins and Happy Anniversary." I was mortified. I hope I have never behaved in such a way, but the longer I sat there and the more I thought about it... I probably had. 

All I can keep thinking is that what do we gain from hurting others. Why is our society so focused on putting others down, instead of building people up? Why is it easier for some people to gossip and be hateful than being grateful and promote success? Please understand I am speaking about myself, too. I do not think I am exempt from such behavior, but what I do know is that I am consciously trying not to act like that. 

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I don't want to intentionally hurt others anymore. I refuse to hold a grudge and hold onto anger. Nor do I want to make others pay for treating me a certain. It upsetting to realize how poorly I have behaved over the years. I just hope I have time to make it up to some of the people I hurt.

May I one day be the great friend my friend's have always been to me.