roots

"There are two things you give a child; one is roots and the other is wings."

This has always been one of my favorite quotes.  A friend dear to my heart just wrote a blog titled, "where I come from." It made me think. I have a story like anyone else, but so much of my childhood is overshadowed with my mother's story and not mine. So much so that my roots seem very scattered, possibly non-existent.

It probably explains the loneliness I felt most of my life. It also explains why I clung to such loving and accepting people. Even more so in college I clung to friends who had the huge support systems and families that I had always dreamed of. I didn't know the way I grew up wasn't normal, I just knew it to be my life. 

I remember hearing the quote for the first time in high school, but it was something I held dear to my heart through college. It must of been the wings I identified with. Flying away, or running, pushing really any of these is something I feel like I do know a lot about. Stability isn't something I am familiar with . 

Please don't misunderstand, my parents do love me that I know is true and I am sure they did the best the knew to do, but they were preoccupied.  And I turned out okay, but it's these roots I still crave. 

I still remember just a few short months ago when my mom asked if I was a girl scout when I grew up? All I could think at that moment was don't cry, make it out of the house before I the tears start up. I wasn't surprised, but it hurts all the same.  I still tear up thinking of these things, not because I feel bad for myself

( I have no reason to, I am extremely blessed in life), but because I hope one day when  I become a parent I will be different. I hope that even though I don't have roots that I can give them to my children. I hope that I put my children before myself and teach them to love and to be loved. I want to provide them with both roots and wings. Most importantly I hope my children always know I will be their number one fan and will always be there for them.  

{ I have given my all for this one. She's my love and first 

chance I had to see if I could love in a way I had never experienced. I have and 

I hope loving my own children one day will come as natural as loving this pup}