life.

I am learning more and more about myself. A few short weeks ago, I was so excited about running and getting back into the gym. Don't get me wrong I am still focused and working out some and eating right, but I have lost the enthusiasm, which may be for the best.

I have always been the girl looking for a plan and that plan is always changing. I know it drives my close friends and family crazy, but I don't think they get that it drives me crazy, too. I just want to believe in what I am doing and to love it. I don't want to look back in 5 years and be in a career that I am not passionate about.... that's just not me.

Anyways, back to the gym. My goal is still to be healthy and to eat better and feel better, but I am enjoying the lack of enthusiasm. I went home each day this week on my lunch break and prepared a healthy meal. Not because it's week one of operation get thin, but because {I think} it may be a change in lifestyle! Woot, woot!

This is just a theory, but I feel very settled as of lately. Instead of thinking through everything and trying so hard, it has been effortless. I look at food and I realize what I decision I need to make, instead of it being such a struggle. I believe I have found my inner voice, as well as the ability to listen to it and act accordingly. It feels good.

As mentioned in previous post, I have made series of bad decisions in the past{Pretty much from August 2006-April 2008}. Although the bad decisions stopped years ago, there has been an indescribable amount of guilt that I couldn't let go. Almost daily I think of those bad decisions. I can now think of them without wincing or closing my eyes, but it's disappointing all the same. 

What I have discovered is I am worthy of a prosperous future. I don't have to doubt myself anymore. I am capable of making good decisions and quite frankly I make more good decisions than bad ones these days! Exciting stuff, you know!

So that's where I am today. I am worthy and capable of all things good. I still need to be thoughtful in my plans and my meaning because temptation exist, but I know I am stronger today then I quite possibly have ever been.

Joshua 1:9