she was running.

This morning I woke up at 7:30 and decided I would take Molly on a long walk. I got outside and it felt perfect so I decided to jog. I jogged for much longer than I thought I had the capability. It was exciting.

I have laid in bed many of nights unhappy with my body. I would lay there dreaming of days when I was much smaller. The days when I wore the outfit I planned on wearing because it fit perfect. Not the current days where I wear what fits... and usually not my first pick. On top of dreaming of thinner days, I have been working on eating better and getting on a schedule.

In hind sight I have been preparing. Been preparing for the day I would have the courage to accept responsibility for my future. My mind was clear and free and I just ran. I focused on my breathing and not the million things that have been on my mind the past few months.

It was exhilarating.

I keep thinking all day that I can do this. Instead of talking myself out of it, like I have been for 6 years, I talked myself into it. I've always envied runners. I would watch them run through the park or on the streets downtown and it looked so freeing. I craved that feeling of stepping out my door and just taking off, but I had convinced myself that couldn't be me.

Looking back over the years I realize I have done that a lot. Not so much recently, but definitely in my Knoxville life. I had lost all the weight 6 years ago and was happy with my body for the first time ever. I was confident and could walk into any room and look people in the eye. I now walk in, head down and concerned people will stare because of my size. I think part of it is the disappointment of putting the weight back on. Knowing how hard I worked to lose it and then without concern for myself I watched as my weight increased.

What I have learned about myself is that if I want something bad enough then I will do all I can to get it. I have wanted to lose the weight in recent years and have given half a$%ed attempts to do so, but something changed on Sunday.

As many of you know Annie and Justin Koozer mean the world to me. Brett and I meet up with them as often as possible and this Sunday was no different. Maybe it was the inspiration from church that morning or just the great company that day, but I was moved either way. As we caught up with them, Annie shared she had just started couch to 5K on Saturday and Justin had ran 6 miles the same day. Admittedly I told them I have had the couch to 5K app for months. I also shared that I always wanted to be a runner, as well as expressed my strong desire lately to get back in shape. Justin assured me he's never been a runner, but he sat a goal, signed up for races and in pure Justin style accomplished his goal.

So here I am sitting with Annie, who six weeks ago had a C section, and is training for a 5K in December and a 1/2 marathon in April. Next to her is Justin who while Annie is running a 1/2 marathon he will be running the marathon.

So what's stopping me?

They have faith in me, why don't I? Why am I so scared to do something I have done before.

I realized something... I can conquer this weight issue once and for all. I have the love and support in my life. I can do it.

So as I thought about this all day, I not only convinced myself that I can do this, I told myself I will do it. Because I love spending time with Brett, I have decided we can do it... haha. And tonight after we cleaned the apartment and uncluttered some, we walked to the gym. We got on treadmills side by side and walked through a nice warm up. I then sped up my and started jogging. We were on the treadmills for 20 minutes and I ran three different times. I bet I ran for nearly 14-15 of those minutes. It's not amazing but it's a start and that's really all I needed... a start, a beginning.

The rest will hopefully come. I have laid the groundwork for me to succeed and truly believe in myself... for the first time in a long time.

Wish me luck and I will keep you all posted.