Enjoying life.

 I laughed.

 she laughed.

new dress. 

 celebration.

 a happy pup.

to the pool to meet the Koozer's!

It's a beautiful holiday weekend and I have enjoyed every second of it. A Friday night with great friends, to a Saturday afternoon shopping with mom, joining the frontline team at church, Chattanooga Market Sunday and my last day at P.F. Chang's. To top off a wonderful weekend Brett and I spent the day at the pool with two of our favorite people, Justin and Annie Kooze and baby on the way Piper. Who will join my list of favorite people in August.

I am almost free.

Tonight at 5:30 is my last shift serving at P.F.Chang's China Bistro. It is still a little unreal. I started with the company when I was 21 and still in college. I never intended to serve after college. It was just going to be a job for extra cash, but then I made a couple of mistakes and got stuck, down on myself and felt like I couldn't leave. Felt like I wasn't worthy of another job.

Well I am finally, finally, finally leaving. It is long over due, but welcomed just as it would of been had my last day been a four and a half years ago as planned. It is an exciting time. I feel like the options are endless. That success is mine for the taking. That I am starting a job that will lead me to my career. More importantly there is HOPE.

As I venture into work this evening I am filled with emotions. Knowing that the job I am leaving behind is representation of a life I am leaving behind. For the past four and a half years that I have been serving, since I graduated from college, I have had constant feelings of incompetence, dislike for myself and my present situation and lack of future and the feeling of no options.

I am now an empowered woman looking at my entire future in a different light. I can conquer anything and see a life full of love, success and happiness. A life that God always intended for me and that I am now willing to accept as my own. I cried today in church. As I sat there, by myself thankfully, I started crying. Crying because the worship song talked of how He repairs. The sermon also talked of how regardless of our past, by His AMAZING GRACE He can still use me. It was a message from God. He let me know that I am still a part of His plan.

I stated in a post earlier this week that I was struggling with forgiving myself for my past. Today I no longer struggling. He spoke to me during worship and made it more obvious than ever that I too should forgive myself, because He has. What an awesome God. A patient, loving, forgiving God. How blessed I am to be a part of His kingdom.

I can now look forward to the future, without constantly worrying about my past. I can live my life as it was always meant to be lived... in love. In love with life. Most importantly at peace with myself.

Change your thoughts and you'll change your world.

This morning I was reflecting on my week and life really and kept getting to a point of negativity and even starting this blog this morning it started off very negative. This is the very thing I am trying to get away from...the negativity, but how? Then it came to me and I went to the bedroom and grabbed my Bible.

I went to my notes from church on May 8 and this is what catches my eye:

*living in love*

Although I struggle with the past, this saying also gives me complete and utter joy and HOPE. I love it because it explains how I want to spend the rest of my life. I want to live in love. In love with Brett, my family, myself, my amazing friends and family. In love with life and Molly, with the good times and the bad.  Learning along the way.

Learning along the way, following my dreams and living my life in love. This is the game plan and what I must remind myself when I get down and think I can't handle it all. He has given me the strength to get through anything. Just have to keep that dialogue open.

So here's to a new day and a new attitude. I started this entry off very sad and confused  and now I am writing with a smile on my face... just had to change my thoughts!

just because.

who doesn't like getting mail :)

This goes back to me wanting to be an amazing parent and thinking of the things that are oh so important and one of the things I loved that Ann did was have us ALWAYS write thank you notes. For those of you who don't know Ann is my step mom. I hate that word, because she's just another mom to me. She's one of the greatest blessings of my life.

making a difference.

Today is Oprah's last show and as I have watched her show this week I continue to be moved by her power. She, one person, has effected more lives than any of us can grasp and it is simply amazing. Whether you are a fan or a critic what she has done is undeniable. She is compassionate and loves humanity. She is thoughtful and caring. She listens, truly listens, to others.

So while getting ready this morning I started thinking what can I do to make a difference. It doesn't have to be on the scale that Oprah reached the world, but I too can make a difference. I am going to make a difference and that I decided this morning. It may not be big, but I want to put a smile on someone's face or lend a helping hand to a stranger. This I CAN do.

So with this in mind I created a 30 Day Challenge: Lend A Helping Hand. It's a take on the photo challenge, but one that will help us better one another. Some of the things are repeated, but the idea is simple. Be thoughtful, live a full life and give back.

30 Day Challenge: Lend A Helping Hand

1.   Offer to help a complete stranger.

2.   Hold the door open for someone.

3.   Ask someone you don’t know how their day is going.

4.   Smile at everyone you pass today.

5.   Call a local charity and ask how your family may contribute.

6.   Write a thank you note to a friend or family member.

7.   Be a friend.

8.   Donate item/items to Goodwill, Salvation Army or your local thrift store.

9.   Tell someone how much they mean to you.

10.   Do something nice for someone you normally see, but don’t interact with.

11.   Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a long time.

12.   Be accountable today. If you say you will do something, do it.

13.   Pray for someone who is having a hard time.

14.  Be thankful for your job today. At least we have one.

15.   Be grateful for all you have.

16.   Thank someone for something they did for you.

17.   Be thoughtful.

18.   Have positive attitude all day today. Count to 10 if you start to get stressed… that always helps me.

19.   Tell everyone you encounter to have a wonderful day and mean it!

20.   Welcome someone new into your life.

21.   Take a beautiful, smiling picture of yourself and put it on your fridge or somewhere you will see it to remind yourself that happiness is beauty.

22.   Smile all day long.

23.   Thank a complete stranger for anything, whether it be holding a door open for you or handing you something you need.

24.   Encourage someone.

25.   Be thoughtful.

26.   Make someone else smile.

27.   Lend a helping hand.

28.   Speak the truth in love to everyone today.

29.   Be a friend.

30.   Thank our good Lord for all you have each and every day. It is because of Him we have the ability to live our lives to the fullest each day… so do it and help someone in the process.

I am beginning this today. Start when you are ready, but do it with love. Let the intention be wholesome and filled with love. While helping others let them also help you because that has been an eye opening experience for me. I am strong, but I still seek help and guidance. It is through receving this help that I realized the power of helping another person.

So I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to make a difference.

27.... Liking it already!

A year ago I was excited about 26 because two sets of my best friends were getting married and I was just excited about sharing my life with all the amazing people I call my friends. I wasn't exactly where I wanted to be in life, but I knew for the first time in a long time I was making the decisions to get me where I wanted to be!

Well a year later and I did make the right decisions and I am continuing to make the right decisions. I am now 27. I turned in my two week notice last Tuesday for my restaurant job. I start a more professional job on Tuesday and couldn't be more excited. Also I now attend church regularly. I have a wonderful boyfriend, who I appreciate and friends that are more amazing that I could of ever hoped for. I also have a wonderful family that I couldn't be more thankful for, who have always been there for me over the years!

The present is great and the future is not only looking up, but looking like a grand adventure full of blessings.

Priorities have changed though. I guess that is to be expected. It's not that I don't love having a beer or jack and coke, but it just isn't a must anymore... it feels good to have that control again. I don't need to have a drink. I am fun regardless.... why did I forget this?

So, for my 27th birthday I worked...made some extra cash:) Came home and relaxed a little and checked craigslist for furniture. Slight, ever so slight, obsession. Went to dinner with my amazing friends Amanda, Ashley and Ryan, Brett and my mom. Rushed out so Brett didn't have an accident from the Mexican food and then went to BUY a desk and book shelf from craigslist.... for $40.

Not only did I find some great deals on craigslist, but I also got the most perfect gift ever. I love my man... he listens to what I talk about and knows exactly what I want!

yes, yes, yes.... a SEWING MACHINE!!! Cha-ching:)

Projects coming soon!

So at days end it was definitely the best birthday yet. Not for any reason other than I am happy with where my life is and what I am doing. So thank you all for being a part of my life. I look forward to many more amazing birthdays!!!

crafty craft:)

So my newest obsession is Pinterest. You repost, "pin", pictures of things that you love. I saw a pin of a do it yourself daily journal and tonight I attempted to recreate it!

 Obviously the first year won't be nearly as fun, but being able to look back at what you did last year will be a blast in years to come. This was super cheap if you are interested!

 Items needed: 183 4x6 notecards ( cut in half), a date stamp or I just typed our the dates and glued them to the card and a box to put them in, which I got for $1 at the Dollar Tree.

I look forward to making these as a gift for new moms who won't scrapbook, but would take the time to jot down something really quick!

A wonderful weekend.

A weekend full of wonderful friends, family, pups

love of my life

 food,

an insighful fortune cookie,

and a pooped Molly dog and Brett.

Needless to say our weekend in the Smokey Mountains was a success. I am ready for 27. Still unreal that I am no longer in my mid-20s, but it's okay because the future is looking pretty amazing!

friendships... a test of time

I knew moving to Chattanooga would make it difficult to keep in touch, but I was up for the challenge. I knew my friends were amazing and I was willing to do what it takes to let them know I still care. I carry the many great memories of the past years with me daily. The stories have provided me with many laughs this past year. I don't talk to them on a daily basis, but I do think about each of them everyday.

What I wasn't prepared for was the friendships I have lost. I guess I knew deep down it would happen, but never figured it would feel like this. The past couple of days have been a struggle. I have been sad and at a loss. I feel as if there were people in my life that were supportive of my life that I didn't want in Knoxville and now that I am finally following my dreams and happy and satisfied and full of life those same friends do not support me. I don't understand.

Why is it that we are so scared to promote happiness and the support people following their dreams? Why can't we just be happy for others?

Things changes and people change, but we will always have the memories of the past. The memories will prevail and bind us in the future and although we may not do the same things we did in our early 20's we can still be friends in our late 20's and rest of our life. I hope so at least!

But I also hope that I don't have friends that only want to hold me down. I want people in my life who love and support me and I do the same in return. We don't have to live the same life to love one another. We just have to love one another and most importantly respect one another.

So here's to the past, the present and the future. To the friendships that last and the ones that fell through the cracks and all the amazing memories created in between. May we move forward, in love with life and one another. May we speak the truth, in love, and be supportive of one another in our life's ventures. To the future and sharing it with those we love and who love us back.

new JOB!

I couldn't possibly be more excited about the direction my life is going. A great man, amazing Molly dog, a new apartment next month at The Havens at Commons Park and a new job in two weeks at The Havens at Commons Park. Yes I will be walk to work... perfect timing if you ask me since gas is RiDiCuLOUS!

This journey started over a year ago. Last January I realized that I wanted more in my life and was expressing this to two of the dearest people in my life, Harlan and Elise. I got to know them at P.F.'s and they became my regulars. I got to see them three to four times a week and they could tell I was looking for more. They bought Principles of the Path, by Andy Stanly, which changed everything.

Harlan and Elise changed my life. The book was a tool I used. They reminded me I was worth something again. Taught me to be proud of my accomplishments and to be proud of the young woman I am. They taught me that I could have everything I wanted and all I had to do was love myself and believe in myself. They brought me to life again.

Within a few short months of reading the amazing book and getting to know them I realized my place was no longer in Knoxville. I knew to continue my journey I must move. I woke up May 6 last year, called mom and said "I'm moving to Chattanooga." No one believed me, but I moved here six weeks later.

best decision....EVER.

My goal when moving here was to be out of the restaurant industry within the year or move.  I moved here June 18 last year and I start my new job in two weeks. It feels good. I set a long term goal and reached it and not because of luck, but because I went after what I wanted. I applied for jobs and went through interviews. It's not a dream job, but it is a step in the right direction. It will open doors for other opportunities and for the first time in a long time I will be proud of what I do. I will gladly tell someone what I do and not be embarassed anymore. For me that's what I am most excited about.... to be proud.

So that's that. I did it and have a sense of accomplishment again. Good things are in store and God is good. For He made all of this possible and this I will NEVER forget.  For he loved me even in my darkest. Romans 5:8.

It's not dark anymore and as you see I am smiling ear to ear! I must admit I look different, as if all is okay in the world. I just want a reminder of how I felt on this day, because I know this new job will have bad days. I'm no dummy, but I do know I have opportunity too and this will make the bad days ok.

it's all coming back to me now...

Celine Dion, yes, but I was referring to Andy Stanly. I get so caught up in doing so much that I forget to think about my actions and my direction. But I am then reminded of Andy Stanly's principle of the path:
 
"Direction, NOT intention, DETERMINES destination."

I constantly have a project in mind or things I want to accomplish and sometimes I get too busy to sit back and think about what I am doing. Or worse off I forget to sit down and relax and take time to rejuvenate and refresh. I start talking about everything I want to accomplish and feel like I have a constant to do list that can't be completed and it simply can't be healthy. So I have decided to write a daily to do and maybe this will help with everything. Afterall if I don't constantly access my progress how will I ever know if I am headed in the right direction.

p.s. If you are at a point in your life where you are unsure of what you should be doing or if you even have the right tools to move forward then read Principle of the Path by Andy Stanly. It changed my life. I can't promise that for you, but it is a great read either way:)

quotables:)

finding myself again.

As you all know when you lose yourself it takes some time to find yourself again.

Finding Brett and loving him and loving myself all over again has been amazing, but with this has also been some realizations. I stood on a scale for the first time in years. I've gained a lot of weight. Which you all know, I knew,but was definitely in denial. I've also made a lot of bad decisions as I put this weight on. I continue to try and forgive myself, but with forgiveness is also the fear of not getting to where I want to be.

This to shall pass. I must remind myself that. God has given me the strength to get through everything else and I will also get through this.

So as much much as I have been on a hunt for hobbies and things to occupy my time, I have decided to find my style again. I feel like having my style back will help all other things make sense. To own up to something that is great and ME. So be on the lookout. It may take some time and some hidious things may happen along the journey, but at the end of this search I will once again be able to connect my inner confidence with my outter! I will enter rooms looking everyone in the eye and proud of myself. It's been a long time since I did that, but I cannot wait!

This is a picture of two of my fave people in the world. Kristen left and Hannah right. And me in the middle at a point in my life when I was confident inside and out! I look forward to feeling that way again:)

still laughing out loud.....

More crafts, please!

Yesterday morning I googled sewing machines chattanooga. Well many different machines showed up as well as locations with the machines. Please remember I am one track minded at this point. So one of the places listed with the machine was The Home Depot. I thought it was strange that there were so many in the area and I was not familiar with this craft store. I called them to make sure they were open and got directions to the place. I was SOOOO excited, because it was located near my new apartment. I get in the car and drive over there to see The Home Depot.  Yea so I drove to The Home Depot and it absolutely NEVER crossed my mind that The Home Depot I was in search of was the home store we all know so well.

I have gotten many laughs out of this story since yesterday morning and thus still on a search of a sewing machine. Many great friends have offered me theirs to borrow, but I would like my own:) Not that I'm not grateful!

I already have a list of projects in mind! Not to mention I can't wait to get off work to make more fabric flowers:)

prayers please!

I applied for a leasing consultant job. I have had two interviews and completed the personal assesment, which is just a million questions to make sure I won't drink on the job or blow up a building! I can only hope they liked me as much as I like them. I need prayers and lots of them, because there couldn't be a better time for me to walk away from the restaurant industry.

I was talking to one of my best friends the other day, who was also in the industry years ago, and I told her that I feel like God is making sure everyday to remind me that I do not want to be a server any longer. Whether it's the lady snapping at me or the $3 on $43.67(which is a HORRIBLE tip, if you didn't know this please never admit this to me), I feel like God is giving me the strength to walk away from my comfort blanket job. The job I have had for 6 years this August. The job I don't love, but pays the bills. I work for a great company and work with amazing people, but I just don't love it anymore.

So please pray, please. Pray for my sanity and my happiness. Pray for my ability to start a job that could lead to a career. I have been praying and will continue to until I know one way or the other. I'll keep everyone posted!

Most importantly pray that I would be able to have a regular schedule and spend more time with my favorite person and dog!

Thanking God

What if you woke up with ONLY the things you THANKED   
                       GOD for Yesterday???

my job
Brett
amazing friends
Molly
My parents

Whewwww.... good thing I talked to God a lot yesterday! Because there are many days I go to sleep and didn't thank he for the first thing! How rude, right? I know I am working on it. Every day I hear myself telling someone what a good God He is. I couldn't be more thankful for our growing relationship. Luckily he was patient all those years that I just ignored Him.

in love, still:)

The most important thing I have learned in the past 8 months is that life is too short to be a stick in the mud, let loose and smile! Have a good time. Laugh out loud and be happy. I don't want to look back and remember all the times I pouted because I didn't get my way. I want to look back and think of all the times we laughed together and had a great time as a couple in love, because that's just what we are:)

The greatest thing about finding the love of my life is that I also have found myself. Loving another reminded me to love myself again. I am going after everything I ever wanted. I am no longer scared of the future. I will break the cycle. I will have love, success and family. I will look back in five years and be proud of the decisions I have made, which will be a nice change!

in Love

 I turn 27 this month and I couldn't be more excited to start another great year. Although I am excited about the future, it does make me think of the past, especially the past year, which has been EVENTFUL! I started 26 by having dinner with all my closest friends, which was followed by a move to Chattanooga in June. I wasn't sure why I was moving or if it was even the right move for me, but looking back I never made such a great impulsive decision.
 I had never been in love or even understood the idea of a healthy relationship with a man, much less a relationship with our good Lord. I also didn't love myself and or know I had something to offer to the world. I know both now. I was fearful if I would ever love or have all the things I wanted in life like a family, a home and a career. Now I know I can have it all and will one day:) All of these amazing realizations happened this year! I still can't believe it.... this is my life. I am living out my dreams. I have a far way to go to get there, but hey I started and I am NO longer down on myself.

 Anyways enough rambling about how grateful I am today! I promised updates on my no sew flowers and I couldn't be more in love with my new craft project, Thanks Kate! With a little practice I was able to make beautiful fabric flowers with the help of fabric reminents, dowl rods and a glue gun!

 My favorite thing about these flowers is that it's a great way to decorate any room! I don't know about any of you, but I love lots of color and what a simple way to add lots of it! I have these in my room and plan to make more this up coming week for my bathroom and kitchen. Also a great way to relieve some stress! Considering I have let go of all my previous vices, it was time I found something to do so that I could release all that stress:)

 I hope everyone has a wonderful Mother's Day! I know I will enjoy making lots of money while at P.F. Chang's, but will miss spending the day with my family. It will be good to be preoccupied, because the older I get the more I wonder if my birth mom is thinking about me. Does she wonder what I am doing in my life or where I live, if I am happy or married? Oh well maybe one day soon I get find her and find the answers to those questions.

Craft time Friday

My friend Kate gave me a craft idea and I can't wait to get off work and hit up Hobby Lobby. I will be making no sew flowers, which are the cutest lil flowers that I can put in all the vases in my apartment that are currently empty. Yes I collect vases and don't buy fresh flowers regularly:)

I feel at peace.

It's been an amazing week, which started with church in the dark on Sunday. Dinner with Miss Swinney three times this week!!!! And falling in love all over again with my amazing boyfriend Brett.  It sure is amazing what gifts God had in store, just had to open up that dialogue and talk to Him.

I put a picture of my love and I, because, as I already explained, I LOVE pictures. Aren't we just the cutest. A lil' chubby, but we are both working on that! I love that man, he's the calm to my storm. And I just did the math that if I average falling in love with him all over again at the current rate of 7 months and we spend the rest of our life together and live to be 85, then I will fall in love with him another 99 times. Sounds like a pretty good future if you ask me:)

Have a wonderful weekend and I'll post some pictures of my no sew flowers!

loving our parents...

For those of you who don't know I was adopted at birth. My birth mother was 21 and in college and wanted to make sure I was given a chance at life. I have been very fortunate and graduated from college and have an amazing support system. Life wasn't always perfect, but whose is?

Most days I am incredibly thankful for my parents, but this has been an extremely trying week. I am very detached from my family I've realized and although I love them and need them, I don't always have that since of having a mom and a dad. Luckily I have amazing friends, a great boyfriend and the most perfect dog.

Yesterday I was extremely lonely and just wished someone wanted what is best for me.

It made want to be a mother. I always thought it was silly that women had that feeling of wanting to be a mother. Ha well I have it. I can't wait to give an amazing life to someone who is a part of me. To teach them and love them. All I know is I want to make sure my children know they are loved and that no matter what I will be there for them.

I want to be able to provide a stable home, full of laughter and love. A home where Christ is #1 and respect for one another is the practice. How do you ensure these things? How do I prepare myself for what one day will be the most important job of my life. How do I make sure I will be able to keep my cool and respond appropriately and accordingly, knowing that response will stay with them the rest of their life.

I think I start today by being a woman of principle and morals. Someone who does what she says and leads by the idea of do as I do. To love life because I am grateful to have it, not because every day is perfect. To treat others as I would want to be treated. Always smiling because a smile can change someones day. By being cool tempered, because no one wants the company of a hot tempered woman. Most importantly I prepare by loving myself, because I believe this may be the greatest gift I can give myself and teach anyone.

Two women that help me get to a place where I love myself and to give me confidence are Kate and Ashley. I just love pictures so I posted a picture of myself, Ashley and Kate. Although I don't see these ladies often, I think of them both almost daily and considered them to be two of the most important people of my college career and life, especially in my early 20's. Both taught me to love myself and welcomed me into their families, where I witnessed firsthand unconditional love and what being part of a family was truly like. I love these ladies and feel privileged to have learned so much from them both!

creativity PLEASE....

It was an extremely long day, but we all know how those go! All I know is I need something creative to do. I was at work today and a lady had her Hobby Lobby list and all I could think is... please take me with you:)

I am really craving some time to just get lost in the paint and fabric and let go. Just need some suggestions on projects! Let me know if you have any ideas!!

Too blessed...

 It's an amazing feeling to be sitting somewhere and realize this is what I've always wanted my life to be like. For those of you who don't know Brett is my boyfriend, Molly os my amazing black lab mix and today I am mentioning Amanda, who is one of my best friends in the world. In second grade Amanda and I won the three legged race! Beat that... haha:)  Anyways Amanda, Molly, Brett and I went to get ice cream at Bruster's today. I had the grasshopper ice cream, which I would suggest to anyone who loves mint chocolate chip ice cream! While sitting on a bench, enjoying our ice cream we were forutnate enough to meet two young mothers with their children, two of who were named Berkley and Baylor! How adorable!!! Anyways we were all sitting there and talkin to the kids and moms and just carrying on and enjoying one another. It then crossed my mind that a year ago I never would of thought I could be sitting there today and happy at that. Boy have things changed. Don't get me wrong I miss many people in my old life every single day, but none enough to trade in what I am blessed with today!
 Did I mention I am happy. I still want to grow and achieve more in my time on Earth. I want to change lives and make people smile, but today I am happy and tomorrow I will continue to try and make a difference.
 It took me a long 26 years to realize this, but we aren't what we wear, or how much we weigh or the people we hangout with or dont. We are who we want to be. The person on the inside who chooses to make a difference and to be happy. I no longer have to chase happiness. I've arrived and I couldn't be more excited.