I am almost free.

Tonight at 5:30 is my last shift serving at P.F.Chang's China Bistro. It is still a little unreal. I started with the company when I was 21 and still in college. I never intended to serve after college. It was just going to be a job for extra cash, but then I made a couple of mistakes and got stuck, down on myself and felt like I couldn't leave. Felt like I wasn't worthy of another job.

Well I am finally, finally, finally leaving. It is long over due, but welcomed just as it would of been had my last day been a four and a half years ago as planned. It is an exciting time. I feel like the options are endless. That success is mine for the taking. That I am starting a job that will lead me to my career. More importantly there is HOPE.

As I venture into work this evening I am filled with emotions. Knowing that the job I am leaving behind is representation of a life I am leaving behind. For the past four and a half years that I have been serving, since I graduated from college, I have had constant feelings of incompetence, dislike for myself and my present situation and lack of future and the feeling of no options.

I am now an empowered woman looking at my entire future in a different light. I can conquer anything and see a life full of love, success and happiness. A life that God always intended for me and that I am now willing to accept as my own. I cried today in church. As I sat there, by myself thankfully, I started crying. Crying because the worship song talked of how He repairs. The sermon also talked of how regardless of our past, by His AMAZING GRACE He can still use me. It was a message from God. He let me know that I am still a part of His plan.

I stated in a post earlier this week that I was struggling with forgiving myself for my past. Today I no longer struggling. He spoke to me during worship and made it more obvious than ever that I too should forgive myself, because He has. What an awesome God. A patient, loving, forgiving God. How blessed I am to be a part of His kingdom.

I can now look forward to the future, without constantly worrying about my past. I can live my life as it was always meant to be lived... in love. In love with life. Most importantly at peace with myself.